okay I know I'm not supposed to make impulsive decisions and all, but this is starting to get on my nerves— so the mental health place I go to, therapy etc, is rlly starting to irritate me! 

I know the town i live in sucks, it's super shitty with it's resources. But like.. 

First thing, my therapist is scheduling me for longer durations out at a time. It wouldn't be so much of a problem if it wasn't 2 whole weeks in between, 3 weeks of waiting for the next appointment. That, and I told her I preferred weekly :( thats how it was when I was at a different place.. And I get that this place is busy, but they even labeled me high risk - if this is how far out they do for high risk, what do they do for low risk?? Not her fault, but just sad. What is semi-her fault tho, the fact she scheduled me for a date AFTER I said I planned to move. Maybe she just figured I wasn't moving that day? Which, yeah, it's postponed, but she didn't necessarily know that.. I thought we were making the most out of the time I had left with her services? Idk-- Especially since I'm still struggling with relapsing and literally had two lapses like a week or two ago? Makes me feel unmotivated.. (๑•́︿•̀๑)

Secondly, my case manager. I thought she was nice at first but now shes starting to piss me off a bit ^^;; Scheduled an appointment over phone, just the monthly check in, and I missed it. Called back half an hour later bcs I was asleep, got it rescheduled, but the front desk person marked it as 'in person' and I didn't know! So day comes, I'm waiting for the call, and she calls me 30 min later with a voicemail in a snarky voice 'well, we were SUPPOSED to have an appointment today' so I call her back, confused, and she said it was in person. I said, sorry, I thought it was over phone :') so we reschedule AGAIN and I swear on everything, she said the 13th. I looked at my calendar, I was on my PCs calendar, and she said 'next thursday' aka the 13TH. So tell me why tf I get a call this morning from her, saying 'we have an over the phone appointment right now'. Srsly whatever. Not my fault you guys don't clarify, and then YOU mix up the dates. 

Finally, last and not least at all because this genuinely fucking sucks—my psychiatrist who I see with the same place. He said he'd see me in a month, I assumed that meant he made an appointment for the 8th of this month (one month since my last appointment). 8th comes and goes, I assume it's either later, or I'll schedule it myself. My case manager today, tells me she's gonna have me schedule it, so I do. Because I only have 1 months worth of meds. Because he prescribed it to me. For a month. 

He is booked until September 2nd. The EARLIEST is September 2nd. HOWWW?? I know people are busy, and there's so many patients everywhere (and he's telemed, too, so ik he's has ppl all over my state, maybe even further out) but. Really? Like what am I supposed to do then, these are antipsychotics that help me not go manic :'3 it's a low dose, yeah, but I still dont think stopping suddenly is a good idea. Ig that's on me for not immediately making an appointment, but I wasn't told to :') I thought he did.. Like how my therapist and case manager do... 

So now I just. Have to ration them? I have to be careful when I take them cuz I'll run out soon, and I'm not sure if they'd let me get a refill without his approval. Idk how this stuff works, I've only ever had antidepressants :') 

I don't even know if I'll be in the same town/state early September. Or alive atp. Because this is so so frustrating. Part of me wants to just. Cancel my appointments and quit care because it feels like they dont care about me. It's back when I enrolled with them years ago all over again :< so yeah. Idk if I have some other mystery appointment on the 13th I have no clue. Hopefully they call to remind me, because if not, and I get another mean voicemail, I'm just quitting everything